What does working with Rural Somalis taught me about marriage?
Rural vs. Urban Marriages: What’s Really Going On?
Regardless of race or culture, marriage is one of those universal experiences that bring people together. It’s the bond that unites two contrasting individuals, sometimes even two families, merging them into one big, joyful, chaotic mess (well, family, really). It’s an incredible institution — when it works.
But here’s a thought: how does marriage in rural areas compare to urban areas? Which one has a better shot at lasting long? And honestly, are city marriages just… better? These are the questions that have been bouncing around in my head ever since I started interacting with rural communities. Let me take you on the journey of my findings.
Before I dive in, let me set the stage: I spent most of my life in urban areas, surrounded by the constant drama of people trying to make their marriages work, often unsuccessfully. My married relatives used to bicker so much, I thought they were in a reality show. The grand finale? A worldwide divorce catastrophe happening right around me. It’s like marriage was a “once upon a time” fairytale that turned into “I’m outta here” by chapter two.
In cities today, marriage is almost like a fantasy people aren’t sure they want to be part of anymore. The dream of ‘happily ever after’ seems more like a distant mirage. Everything feels tense — dating and marriage often end in disappointment, frustration, and eventually divorce. This leaves young people confused, scared, and emotionally exhausted. Some marriages even turn people from lovebirds to sworn enemies, and you have to wonder if they’re secretly plotting each other’s demise. Creepy, right?
So, there I was, trying to make sense of this. Enter the rural Somalis. I started working on humanitarian projects in rural areas, and guess what I discovered? Rural marriages were shockingly different — and surprisingly solid. Picture this: 99% of families I came across were still together. Despite living in difficult conditions — financially strapped, culturally complex, and surrounded by environmental challenges — they were still holding the fort together. I was floored. Why?
Naturally, I started asking around. But let me tell you, these folks were not used to talking about their personal lives. It was like they had just been hit with a stranger asking about the secrets to their survival. At first, they were hesitant, but eventually, they warmed up. And after listening, observing, and analyzing, I cracked the code. Here’s why rural marriages last longer:
1. Marriage is More Cultural Than Love
Let’s be honest — who doesn’t dream of marrying the love of their life? We all want that fairytale wedding, perfect partner, and flawless relationship. But, oh, reality check: marriage is way harder than we ever expect.
I haven’t been married myself (yet), but from what I’ve seen, marriage is like assembling IKEA furniture: confusing, exhausting, and sometimes you end up with a few pieces missing.
In urban areas, people have unrealistic expectations. Media, peer pressure, and influencers paint this picture of perfect marriages, and well, let’s just say it doesn’t usually end with a happily ever after. In the cities, you’re bombarded with what your partner should be like, and the list is long — height, career, sense of humor, you name it.
But in rural areas? Not so much. For them, marriage is about building a family, working together, and carrying on traditions. It’s not about impressing anyone or living up to Instagram standards. It’s practical: “We’re getting married to grow our family and live a peaceful life.” They model their relationships on real, lived experiences, not on TV shows. There’s no “dream partner” checklist here, just the goal of creating a strong family bond.
In short: rural marriages are based on practicality, not Pinterest perfection.
2. Rural Life Is Busy, So Marriage Has to Work
In the rural world, life is simple, but it’s not easy. Daily life revolves around hard work — herding camels, looking after the family, taking care of the house. Kids are trained early to pitch in, and everyone has a responsibility. There’s little time for drama, and even less for fighting over petty issues.
For the fathers, it’s all about teaching the kids responsibility — herding the camels, finding water for the livestock, and learning life skills. Meanwhile, the mothers are holding down the fort at home: cooking, looking after the children, and keeping the household running smoothly. Everyone’s busy, so there’s less time to bicker.
This “task-oriented” lifestyle means that both partners are often too tired and focused on survival to argue over who left the dishes in the sink. While this could result in an “emotionally distant” marriage, it does ensure that both parties are committed to their roles. It’s all about practicality, discipline, and making sure the family works. If there’s no time for fighting, there’s more time for surviving.
3. Getting Married Is Simpler in Rural Areas
Marriage in rural areas is refreshingly… simple. Forget about the fancy weddings, the over-the-top proposals, and the pressure to impress. In the countryside, the rules are simple: Are you old enough to get married? Do you have a family that’s on board? Done. The rest is taken care of by the families.
The families handle the big stuff — the house, the livestock, and the wedding costs. The couple? Well, they just need to agree to tie the knot. The wedding itself is a family affair, with both sides pitching in to make sure the newlyweds have everything they need. And unlike urban weddings, which can cost a small fortune, rural weddings are much more affordable and low-key.
This simplicity means that marriages aren’t weighed down by financial burdens or societal expectations. If both families support the union, that’s enough to make it work.
The Takeaway: Can We Learn from Rural Marriages?
Now, I’m not saying rural marriages are perfect. They have their flaws, too, like any relationship. But, let’s be real — there’s a lot we can learn.
Wouldn’t it be refreshing if we based urban marriages on realistic standards? Maybe stop focusing so much on the superficial and more on individual responsibilities? What if we prioritized family connections over impressing friends? And, hey, what if we didn’t obsess over “perfect weddings” and just got married for the right reasons?
At the end of the day, marriage isn’t about ticking boxes from society’s ideal checklist. It’s about building a life with someone who understands your needs, and who’s ready to work together with you for a future. It’s less about grand gestures and more about small, consistent efforts.
After all, if half of marriages in “developed” nations end in divorce, maybe we should consider a different approach. A more sustainable, simpler one. And who knows? Maybe rural marriages have figured something out that urban ones are still searching for.
So, what do you think? Could we take a page from rural marriage wisdom? Let me know in the comments!
(And please share if you found this interesting — or if you know anyone in need of a reality check about their marriage!)
